


(I Met Something) Greater than God

by aboyandadream



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: INFINITY WAR SPOILER, Infinity War, M/M, Post Infinity War, Short Story, Stucky - Freeform, sad???
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-24
Updated: 2018-05-24
Packaged: 2019-05-13 04:27:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14741978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aboyandadream/pseuds/aboyandadream
Summary: Bucky found Heaven in Steve's arms.





	(I Met Something) Greater than God

I saw Heaven.

 

It was when we sat alone in peace, not planning for a war or in the middle of battle, and you smiled like you had never been happy before.

 

I felt heavy and light at the same time, seeing that smile, the one saved just for me, for the first time truly since Brooklyn.  It gave me hope, brought me wonder, and it me forget, just for a fraction of a second, everything that had happened, everything we had been through.  For that moment, as quick as a blink of an eye, it felt like home.

 

I heard angels.

 

It was when you wrapped an arm around my shoulders and threw your head to the side laughing.  I don’t remember the joke, and I know it wasn’t that funny, but you laughed like you had never heard a joke before.

 

I thought I was going to burst.  I hadn’t heard you laugh that way since before I registered for the army, since before they turned you down the very first time.  My stomach suddenly felt light and my head went dizzy for a moment. I think my heart might have stopped to listen too.

 

I saw His light.

 

It was every night I woke up in a cold sweat, sometimes screaming, with a racing heart and burning eyes, and arms would wrap around me almost immediately.  The gentlest hands running down my arms and through my hair, the strongest arms holding me like I would turn to dust if they let go, and the warmest voice in my ear, telling me it was going to be okay.  It happened too regularly, yet every time, I felt like I had never been safe before.

 

Your arms were a home to me, more so than any apartment in Brooklyn, tent during the war, cell when Hydra had me, or even the shield in  Wakanda. They were stronger than any bars or thick cement walls, reinforced steel gates or vibranium shields. They made me feel safer than any hidden country, made me feel more loved than any mother’s embrace.

 

I met saints.

 

It was when you would come through that barrier, trying to keep yourself at bay and not run to greet me, even if you had been here just a week before.  When you would wrap me in your arms, occasionally lifting me off my feet because you were too excited. The look on your face made it seem as though you had never seen me before.

 

I remember when you came back after being gone for two months, a week, and five days.  You didn’t even try to contain yourself when you stepped off the jet, running to meet me and sling me up in your arms, my one wrapping around you tight.  I know that the same thought that was at the back of my mind was at the back of yours as well; I could tell by the way you held me just a little bit tighter and just a little bit longer. I was scared that if I let go, I’d never get you back again.  You always came back.

 

I met God himself.

 

It was when you kissed me for the first time.  The way your hands shook when they grabbed the sides of my face, the way your breath caught just before you pressed those soft lips onto mine, and the way you sagged in relief when I placed my arm on yours and  _ finally _ got to kiss you back.  We stayed that way for a while, though I couldn’t tell you exactly how long.  You kissed me like you had never kissed someone before.

 

I still remember how the air smelled, a very distinct smell of wildflowers and dew.  I remember how the sky was contorting to a soft orange, with pink, purple, and red hues dabbed here and there, like it was one of your old paintings.  I remember how the moon had come out early that day and was beginning to shine as the sun was slipping under the horizon. I remember how you had been nervous all day, yet wouldn’t tell me why.  Then, while we stood by a lake, watching the colors shimmer around the surface, you called my name in such a weak voice, I was scared you were going to tell me you wouldn’t be able to come back after you left.  But then you kissed me, and I swear to you, I can only think of one time I have felt more euphoric than I did whenever you would kiss me.

 

I met something greater than God.

 

It was the first time you told me.  The way your voice was so soft, yet so certain.  The way your eyes shown with nothing but honesty and admiration.  The way you kissed the top of my head with that small smile when I was too shocked to say anything else.  The way you pulled me into your arms as if to tell me you knew what I was too lost to say. When you wrapped those arms around me, one over my shoulders and the other around my waist, and kissed me so  _ god damn  _ gently, I had never felt more loved.

 

This was the only memory that made me feel the most euphoric.  You spoke like anything louder would ruin what the words meant, you touched me like I was the most precious thing on Earth, you held me like I was the only thing you had, and you kissed me like I was the only thing that mattered.  I remember that I cried, unable to contain the overwhelming feeling I had. It took me five minutes to be able to get those words out in return. And I almost felt bad for not being able to say it immediately, but that smile you gave me and the look in your eyes told me that you already knew.   _ I love you _ .

 

I sit with something worse than Satan and all of his hells.

 

I don’t know where I am, I don’t know what happened, and I don’t know what to do.  All I know is that you aren’t here, and I have never been so lost. I have never been an overly religious man, especially not in the past, what, eighty years?, but I pray every waking second that something will take me back to you.  I want to be taken back to the safety of your arms, to the comfort of your hands in my hair, to the euphoric feeling of your lips against mine, and to hear you tell me you love me. I am not the only one here, I am not the only one who’s, admittedly, scared, or distressed, or who just wants to go home.  I have never been surrounded by so many understanding people.

 

Yet I have never felt more alone than I do now, so far out of reach, knowing that just before Here, I was just a brush away from your hand.

 

_ “Steve?” _


End file.
